Why Turning 23 Sucks. . .

Today is my 23rd birthday. I know there is nothing special about 23. I mean at 20 I left my teenage years behind. At 21 I was legal to drink and gamble and other sorts of ‘freedoms’ our country gives. At 22 I was the age I should be when I graduate college, which I haven’t yet so that one wasn’t as cool as it sounds. At 23 nothing. No special landmarks, no car insurance breaks, nothing.

Except this year.

23 is 11 and a half times 2. Which means eleven and a half years ago I was eleven and a half years old. Which means basically nothing to most people. Except me. I was eleven and a half when Sethie was taken away. This feels weird and sad to me, because this year at 23 years old I am crossing the threshold that which I have lived longer without my brother than I did with him. I know most people wouldn’t even notice, but I’m a weirdo when it comes to numbers and detail.

Please don’t feel sorry and sympathize, I just wanted to share the emotions and thoughts going through my head, which I can’t really put into words, because these aren’t things we are used to going through and dealing with. So lately I feel pain, and heartache, and love, and compassion, and loss, and other things I can’t really put into words because I am better at just feeling, and not so great at describing.

Hello strange strange world that is unfathomable and mysterious and so painful and wonderful all at the same time.

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One thought on “Why Turning 23 Sucks. . .

  1. I think you are pretty special Adam! It takes courage to say these feelings out loud and anyone that has lost someone so very, very special knows exactly how you feel. It is a very interesting world indeed!!! I have a feeling though that Seth is the one telling you that you are a weirdo about numbers and details. (You are not so weird. Big brothers like to tell little brothers they are weirdos no matter where they are. It is their way of saying “I love you!”) Keep feeling even if you cannot put it into words. Feeling means you are fully alive and not just a spectator in this world. 🙂

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